If Only I Were Mary Poppins.

Wow I've had an emotional couple of weeks!

My last day with the girls was super sad...in fact, the entire week was sad. I kept feeling like I was abandoning them or betraying them, and like they deserve better, and that they need a stable nanny/adult in their lives and really wanting to be that person but knowing that even if I did stay longer, I wouldn't be the mother they need. And also just loving them and being sad I won't see them everyday. Then I was mad at Linda for the way she treated me during the transition. I have a lot of conflicting feelings in general about her, their family dynamic, and her lack of recognition of responsibility. It just made for a tough week.

Nannying is the weirdest job. It's not like going to the office for a day of work and then coming back home. You are working IN a home. The girls became so much more than a job to me, but it was weird that I had a job because their mother wasn't being a good mom. It's also quite hard to teach children something you don't believe in but have to teach because it's part of the job description. And saying to your boss that you don't agree with her is totally different than in an office or even a school, because you're not discussing typical work issues but rather how she's raising her kids. People get insane about their kids, crazy protective and defensive but refuse to see where they could make changes. It seems so bizarre to me that Linda is a partner at this huge law firm but still has to work so many hours. Can't she delegate some of that, especially if it means she can spend more time with her children?

It's also difficult to set boundaries as a nanny. Because you're in their home, working with their kids, eating family dinners together and putting them to bed, you become a part of their home lives in a way that makes boundaries really shady. In fact, in order to be a good nanny, some typical work boundaries must be crossed. Sometimes people cross them too much and the nanny becomes weirdly involved in the parent's lives and even love lives. But other times, like with Linda, the boundaries are overly enforced, to a ridiculous degree. She always maintained this sense of professionalism with me, like she would never let me forget she was my boss, I her employee, she with more money and the one paying me. She could be very nice and fun and sweet, but she still remained detached and professional, even in the more genuine moments we shared. Perhaps she did this in order to maintain some type of boundary rather than losing boundaries, but I think she did this moreso out of classism. Who knows really; maybe she doesn't even know.

Anyway, my new job is awesome. My sixth graders are actually quite well behaved and responsive and have gotten excited about the activities I've led so far. They got really into writing poetry the other day and read their stuff out loud to each other. They also come up with the craziest stuff regarding the election, so I think we'll be focusing a couple of weeks on all of that. I'm the only white person on my program's staff and the only white person in my classroom, but these kids don't seem to care about race in the way adults do. I thought they'd be more resistent but they just don't care at all. Some of them are little punks who like to push it, but they do that out of being a little punk resisting authority rather than anything regarding race. My class is so diverse, so perhaps the sense of a majority and minority isn't as strong. I have a kid from Burma, one from Malaysia, a handful from China (including one who doesn't speak English much at all), three from Mexico, a couple from Central America, and then quite a few whose parents are from Latin America or Asia. At the school I'm teaching in, the student population is around 45% Hispanic/Latino and 45% Asian, then 3% Black and the rest White or Other. This means the neighborhood is pretty similar, and all the restaurants are either authentic Latin American food or Chinese food. There's this awesome Chinese bakery down the street with red bean pastries for 80 cents that are so delicious and flaky. There's also this Mexican restaurant with tamales and tostadas alongside hamburgers and mashed potatoes. America's an interesting place.

Aside from all the work changes, I've still been trying to write. I have a few articles in the upcoming issue of The Deli, including the cover story (woo!). Also, my short story, "The Roof," advanced to the finals on the website I posted about earlier. That's exciting because whether I win or not, the judges (who are published authors) make all kinds of comments and helpful suggestions. I've also sent out a new story to a few lit mags and am chuggin' away on my book. Perhaps one day this will financially pay off...

In the meantime, because I'm only paid hourly at my new job, I'm looking for ways to pick up some extra cash. If anyone knows of a family that needs a babysitter for a few hours a week, or a cafe/restaurant that needs someone one or two nights, for sure let me know.

שנה טובה (ברכה לראש-השנה)!

That means "Happy New Year."